Overexcitability... emotional

This is the overexcitability that can often be the most challenging.  (Did I already say that about one of the other ones?)  And no, I didn't take this picture when my daughter was having an actual tantrum.  This was one of her dramatic reenactments.   The feelings of many gifted children can be intense and overwhelming.  When these children are happy, they are ecstatic.  But unfortunately, many of these children and adults are prone to bouts of extreme depression and anxiety.  Researchers have commented on how "existential depression" is often very common among gifted individuals.  Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is also very commonly diagnosed among people with higher intelligence.  Both Albert Einstein and Nikola Tesla were believed to have suffered from Obsessive Compulsive disorder.

Probably due to this heightened sensitivity, many gifted children and adults are also extremely empathic.  They have strong feelings around issues of fairness and from a very young age are deeply interested in issues of social justice.  Recently, on a family walk one Sunday morning, we passed what was probably the home of a bunch of college students in East Austin.  The yard was strewn with beer bottles and red cups.  My children were outraged that the occupants would have such a blatant disrespect for their environment.  My husband and I had to gently ask them to keep their voices down as we passed the house.  Another example is my son's recent declaration that he is now a vegetarian.  He says that he can't stand that people hurt animals for food.  He is only five. Because he can become very sad at dinner time, we have agreed as a family to not eat meat on certain days of the week out of respect for his beliefs.   This empathic vulnerability makes watching the news difficult.  When my daughter was only three a morning show told the story of someone falling into a large sink hole and dying.  She cried for days.  We haven't really watched morning news shows ever since.  

Often times, because these emotions can seem so overblown and overwrought, as parents, it is very easy to minimize the emotional experiences our young children have.  "This is nothing to get so upset about!"  "Stop crying"  "You have no reason to be angry."  Although these statements are made in an attempt to calm an emotionally overwhelmed child, they actually create confusion and more anxiety.  The child begins to doubt their own experiences.  They begin to judge their feelings.  And on top of that, it doesn't really work to tell someone to calm down anyway.   Validating feelings is a much better strategy, but it can be difficult when you are an emotional parent!  So, I will often notice when I am getting just as emotional as my daughter or son, take a deep breath, and remember the goal.  Then I might ask, "Are you feeling.............?  I might be feeling that way too if that happened to me.  What can we do right now to help you feel better?"  Helping the child to label the emotion, validate the emotion, and then talk through coping strategies not only will help them weather their emotional storm - but it also provides them the tools necessary to weather the next one.  

Next up - The Intellectual Overexcitability!